LOVESICK AVENUE

2010-02-04T02:47:00.002+08:00

Al mio amore

I am sorry. I am so sorry. I never meant to break you heart. God, what have I done? Are you crying now? I don’t want to see you crying or in pain. I wanted to make you happy. But all I have done is to put you in agony. Oh my love! Don’t get me wrong. I only love you and only you. I only think of you. I only remember you. How badly do I wish to show you my heart! Is there anyway I can do that while my memory remains? Oh, my heart races. I love you, only. I don’t want to forget that. And I must not. Can you see that? Can you feel my heart? Im afraid my just-returned memory will leave me again before I tell you everything I have to say. I love you. And im sorry. I met you because I was forgetful. Now, Im leaving you because im forgetful. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. How thankful I am to God for having sent you as gift to me. I don’t have to remember you. You are a part of me. I smile, laugh and smell like you do. I might forget you, but nothing can drive you out of my body. Although you never told me you loved me I know deep in my heart that you love me. Forgive me for leaving you. Please for the last time I have a favour to ask. Please see my father.

(A moment to remember; Nae meorisokui jiwoogae )

2009-07-30T14:38:00.002+08:00

Al mio amore,

not knowing what love is will be a hinderance to us. loving is a sign of acceptence and understanding. for, if u do not love Muhammad(PBUH),you will not understand and even be willing to accept his religion.but it occured to me a while back, that there was a lover of Muhammad who is a hindu. he was not accepted by both religion. strange as it may sound, but love is love. nothing can stop it nor change it even if one is offered so much. Nothing can replace love.

acceptance they say is one of the few things in life that will value to so much an extent.have we asked ourself, are we accepted? be it in our family, friends, or even the society. worst, have we accepted ourself for who we are? are you happy with you have achieved and what God had given you?

Speaking of which

2009-03-29T22:09:00.002+08:00

Al mio amore,

all that is being asked from love is honesty and trust. i find it rather amusing that one should be willing to make empty promises.promises should be kept and fulfilled. but then, its life. with the seduction of ego and the worldly beauties one would be ready to break all promises or even make empty promises. its rather depressing to know that the usual cases of break ups are about the two. Honesty and trust.

nowadays, the value of speech is lost. with the freedom of speech, everyone can speak. the kindergarten kid can speak, the gardener can speak, even the mute can speak through sign language. but do we ask ourselves, when we speak, who listens? the things that we speak on, does it hold anything for others? Empty! what ever that we speak on is just plain words. none of it holds any knowledge. not anymore. unlike the past, there is wisdom in what ever is being spoken about. there is knowledge in every speech. people value the words of the wise. people listen when the elder speaks. look around, you'll see that everyone is talking but no one is listening.

the same goes for love.now the word love means nothing new or sacred. nothing revered or respected. everyone wants to be in love. even the young ones are being in love. but when asked about love, one cant speak on the true value or terms of love. how can this be? when we are created, its through love. when Adam was created, its because of love although the love was not for him or his. everything we do encompasses love. have we lost the essence of love? what happen to the love that used to be so revered and sacred?

Love, School, Darwin

2009-03-26T01:32:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore

apologies for the hiatus and lack of updates. i have considered closing down this blog, but like they say, finish what you started. therefore if i had really want to close this blog, there must be a reason to it, which now i could not find any.

Love is one special feeling that is being given to us by our Lord. it seems almost impossible to understand the meaning of love. Ask Romeo what is love and he will tell you its Juliet. Ask Shakespeare and he will instead tell you its English and theater. Ask our Mozart and he will tell you its music. so what is love? how do we define it? what does it mean to us?

i have been to places around Singapore. observing the advances of technology and the growth of industries. But one thing doesn't change, i find that there is lack of the understanding of love. the Malay hooligans take love as something to be expressed through words like poem and songs. although i must say, some of their works are very good. i would not dare to comment on other races because i dont feel fit to do so until my race can prove to me otherwise. However lets take a bold step and have a look at ourselves. how are we treating love? but because of the high level of love, i rather we ask ourselves how are we treating ourselves? Have we been treating ourselves right? look at some of us, piercing here and there, tatoo here and there. look at the hair colour, some shades of brown, red or even green. and thats just the physical factors, have we asked ourselves about our spirituality?

Look at our ego, how it is controling us. look at the time when we wanted to drink, instead of sips we take huge gulp. for food, we only eat whats nice. some even is choosy of what they eat! have we forgotten our brothers and sisters in the third world society? how they live in poverty, how each day they struggle to live, while here in our society we hear suicide cases almost everyday. arent we ashame? we should all take a leaf out of the books of our less fortunate brothers and sisters in the third world society. learn from them, for they can teach you what books and school cant.

I had always believed that school was a good place to learn. but i was proven wrong. schools these days teach us nothing. instead they only teach us to read, write and memorise. if i had asked you to summarise for me a news paper article, i think most of you cant do it. but if i had asked you to name me a fruit, or a place, all of you can. and if i had asked you about how we are created and where we come from almost all of you will give me a Darwin-ised answer, which is the theory of evolution. funny, how muslim oriented school claims to teach everything muslim oriented teaching, but when asked about spirituality, it fails to give an answer. doesnt islam compromises of spirituality too? why such neglegence?

not forgetting other schools of thought and religion. let me end with quote a sheykh from one of his speech

The schools are only teaching people lying and cheating these days. They know that the theory of evolution, Darwinism is finished. It is bankrupt. But they are still teaching. Everything is on that. The foundations of schools are on that theory. All those children that are studying and coming out of the schools, now their foundation is evolution which is completely against creation. So they are going to become ignorant. So ignorant that they are not going to know that they are ignorant. Taking one man's word, ordinary man. Who is this man? Who is this Darwin? Why are you accepting him? (I am saying to the Chrisitan world) You are accepting Darwin and putting his books in the schools and universities. You say you are accepting Jesus but you are not using his book in the schools. What kind of nonsense is this? (Shaykh smiling). You are saying, "Jesus is the Lord. We are the creatures, he is the creator." But you are not teaching in the schools to these people about that and you are teaching about Darwinism, about Sheytan. The same thing is with the Muslims and the same thing is with the Jews. In the Muslims countries they say, "We are Muslims. We are accepting Allah and His Prophet." But no school is teaching anything about Holy Prophet (alayhi salatu wa salam). With the Jews it is the same thing. They are not teaching about Moses or the Tewrat. So everywhere in the world they are concentrating to teach people Darwinism. Evolution.

A letter to no one

2009-03-18T15:56:00.000+08:00

Dearest ________________,

A secret admirer. That's what they say, isn't it? I have been secretive, until now, and I suppose I do admire you, but that's only when your back is turned. 30 minutes a day�that's how long I get to admire you, and then it's back to the 23 � hours of wretched, seething love.

Do I love you when you are next to me? A little. But not as much as when we are separated�by traffic and daily planners and radio waves and the denizens of our lives�no, not as much as I love you when your only incarnation is in my mind, your smile demands mental replay and your body's attitude and altitude insist on being remeasured and firmly memorized. The trap that catches my dreams...but there is no permanence to dreams. They leave no evidence, not like you really would. A strand of long, dark hair on the pillowcase, a fingerprint on the countertop, even a blown kiss would have more mass than a dream.

But what else can one do when they love someone so much? No, there it is again. That word, love, used incorrectly. Not appropriate for my situation. It takes two to love. Two people playing simultaneous roles as Lover & Beloved. Two people sharing space and air and radiating heat and intentions. Not us, however. Instead of two, we have one and one. One of us is alone and hateful to the world for being so crowded, this city for being so wide and having so many places to hide (I don't even know where you live! Where are you right now? A coffee shop wrapped in a scarf and leaning as I've seen you do, intently over a paperback? A friend's apartment calling to her from the hallway? In your own home, privately clenching and releasing your own white toes?) And the other is accompanied everywhere by a vanilla scent, long lashes, and refracted light.

You have your tricks, I'm sure, of hiding this or that blemish or accentuating your eyes, but I know that if it was all washed away or stripped what would remain would be exceptionally fine, bright, and smooth. Have I hit upon it? The one dominant characteristic of yours that causes you to rule my thoughts? I believe it is: I haven't touched you, but I know you are smooth like a stone fold of a Michelangelo statue, smooth like the lightly packed sand of an Asiatic shore, smooth like the cheek of god. Maybe that's what really tempted me: the thought of touching something so finely crafted, so treacherously inviting, something so close to perfect that it makes me shudder to even be around you for fear that through some mishap I'll mar or brand you. But I won't. I have faith in that notion. I could never wear down the elemental beauty of your skin even with my raw lips and sawdust hands, not even with the thousand caresses I hope to make possible.

Yes, I want to make it happen. No longer content to be secret or only admiring, I am baring all. But it's not something I can will into existence or bribe a god for�I have to just hope that it's possible that you would want the same thing I want: an inescapable love. I want to find you in the morning's rays, I want to watch your leg emerge from behind the shower curtain, I want you to sit on my knee at parties so that everyone knows. I don't want to waste time with flirting; I want to leap headfirst into a shared mesmerization, an unflinching fascination between us two. I want to greedily hoard all of your secrets and wishes, I want to peel the skin off your back after you've been sunburned, I want to touch your body in the places that push against the seams and stretches fabric, I want to unclasp and untie and loosen everything that you are until it can breathe and exist freely in my presence. I want to push my face into your neck and sleep skin to skin.

I want an unstoppable love with you. I want a love that can resist black holes and nuclear war. I want a love that spans decades and becomes an iconic phenomenon that is printed on T-shirts and coffee mugs. I want a love so powerful that glass breaks around us as we walk, a romance so intense that others can't even look directly at us without going blind. I want you and I to feel interminably enraptured, to be so fierce that no one will ever love again, that love will be outlawed because of its dangerous nature, that writers will put down their pens and brushes will hit the floor as artists open their hands�because neither the poets nor the painters, neither the composers nor the moviemakers are compelled or able to convey what we are. I want loving you to sustain me instead of bread and water, and I want loving you to kill me, to collapse my heart when I am older than old and the world has been laid to waste by the pulsing shockwaves of our kisses.

I want you, _____________.

So write, so call, so contact me in any way. Don't delay unless delaying will make you even more passionate about our first encounter. I have not even folded this paper, and I am already impatient for your response, for your touches and clenches and exhalations...

Respond to me, and I will respond to you. Until that charged moment, I remain,

Yours,

____________

Its not that hard to love

2009-02-20T12:39:00.007+08:00

Al mio amore,

Believe is the key to attaining the best of both world. what i mean by both world is for oneself and the target reach one is striving towards. it is not hard to see what i mean. When you belive in yourself, you attain what we call a confident boost, or a higher morale. In relationships and such, this is really important. surely you do not want to live all your life with someone who is not confident and is afraid to reach new hights. but then again, we need to have a balance. in any relationship if balcance is not achieved, most of the time it will lead to the end of that relationship.

the other world i want to bring to attention is the receiving party. when you believe, you must belive in something. that something can be seen as the other world. this is what in english literature it would mean. but i wont be dealing with english, grammar or whatnots because i have no authority to speak about them. but what im trying to say is, one needs to belive in whatever he wants to acheive. for they say, confidence or believing in what you do, half the battle has already been won.

but besides that, back to the theme of this blog. Lovesick. i have been thinking while on my hiatus what it means to be loved.or rather, it should be, "what is love?"
Love is eternal, and the transitory nature of all things pertaining to this world is a sign of truth, a sign that shows us by means of contrast. Real spiritual love, love of God and love of mankind for the sake of God is the only truth, the only thing in this world that is permanently and constantly sweet. Physical separation from someone you love, in accordance with the rule that pertains to the physical, may create a longing that will cause love to increase, may augment the bliss of reunion. But on the spiritual level that love is constant, is never interrupted by distance nor by time. Your beloved may be on the moon and you may be in bliss at the thought of reunion, but if love is unrequited, that is not sweet separation but a bitter pill. The extinction of love is pitch darkness. You may regard the sunset as beautiful, but how would you feel if it were setting forever?

Love is the water of life. God created Adam from clay and water. If it were not for water the clay would hold no shape. Divine Love is what binds our souls together. That is why people become so miserable when they feel unloved. It is a feeling that something essential is missing from one's life, that life itself is incomplete, and in the face of this ache people set out in search of love with the desperation of a man dying of thirst.

The Lord created us and loves us; that is why everyone loves love. No one complains of love or wants it to be taken from him, but all want to be loved more. Where are you seeking love? Are you taking pure water from the gushing source, or muddy, slimy water from the ditch? You love people, but they will die. Perhaps your love will be unrequited, or because of a small error or indiscretion on your part that person's heart will harden to you and love will be no more. You say that you love him or her, but do you love him or her unconditionally? Is your love permanent-love for the real immaculate divine essence living in that person, or temporary, as a result of some desirable attributes: beauty, youth, wealth, station or wit? When that beautiful, young, wealthy, clever, amiable socialite becomes an ugly, old, penniless, senile, grumpy outcast will you still love her? Is your love is of the spirit or of the world?

Laila Majnun

2009-02-07T02:25:00.001+08:00

Al mio amore,

i wish to relate an old love story to all.
extracted from Facebook:

THE STORY OF LAILA AND MAJNUN

The story of Laila and Majnun has been told in the East for thousands of years and has always exerted a great fascination, for it is not only a love-story, but a lesson in love. Not love as it is generally understood by man, but the love that rises above the earth and heavens.

A lad called Majnun from childhood had shown love in his nature, revealing to the eye of the seers the tragedy of his life. When Majnun was at school he became fond of Laila. In time the spark grew into a flame, and Majnun did not feel at rest if Laila was a little late in coming to school. With his book in his hand, he fixed his eyes on the entrance, which amused the scoffers and disturbed everybody there. The flame in time rose into a blaze and then Laila's heart became kindled by Majnun's love. Each looked at the other. She did not see anyone in the class but Majnun, nor did he see anyone save Laila. In reading from the book Majnun would read the name of Laila, in writing from dictation Laila would cover her slate with the name of Majnun. 'All else disappears when the thought of the beloved occupies the mind of the lover.'

Everyone in the school whispered to each other, pointing them out. The teachers were worried and wrote to the parents of both that the children were crazy and intensely fond of one another, and that there seemed no way to divert their attention from their love-affair which had stopped every possibility of their progress in study.

Laila's parents removed her at once, and kept a careful watch over her. In this way they took her away from Majnun, but who could take Majnun away from her heart? She had no thought but of Majnun. Majnun, without her, in his heart's unrest and grief, kept the whole school in a turmoil, until his parents were compelled to take him home, as there seemed to be nothing left for him in the school. Majnun's parents called physicians, soothsayers, healers, magicians, and poured money at their feet, asking them for some remedy to take away from the heart of Majnun the thought of Laila. But how could it be done? 'Even Luqman the great physician of the ancients, had no cure for the lovesick.'

No one has ever healed a patient of love. Friends came, relations came, well-wishers came, wise counselors came, and all tried their best to efface from his mind the thought of Laila, but all was in vain. Someone said to him, 'O Majnun, why do you sorrow at the separation from Laila? She is not beautiful. I can show you a thousand fairer and more charming maidens, and can let you choose your mate from among them.' Majnun answered, 'O, to see the beauty of Laila the eyes of Majnun are needed.'

When no remedy had been left untried, the parents of Majnun resolved to seek the refuge of the Kaba as their last resort. They took Majnun on the pilgrimage to Kabatullah. When they drew near to the Kaba a great crowd gathered to see them. The parents, each in turn, went and prayed to God, saying, 'O Lord, Thou art most merciful and compassionate, grant Thy favor to our only son, that the heart of Majnun may be released from the pain of the love of Laila.' Everybody there listened to this intently, and wonderingly awaited what Majnun had to say. Then Majnun was asked by his parents, 'Child, go and pray that the love of Laila may be taken away from your heart.' Majnun replied, 'Shall I meet my Laila if I pray?' They, with the greatest disappointment, said, 'Pray, child, whatever you like to pray.' He went there and said, 'I want my Laila,' and everyone present said, 'Amen.' 'The world echoes to the lover's call.'

When the parents had sought in every way to cure Majnun of his craze for Laila, in the end they thought the best way was to approach the parents of Laila, for this was the last hope of saving Majnun's life. They sent a message to Laila's parents, who were of another faith, saying, 'We have done all we can to take away from Majnun the thought of Laila, but so far we have not succeeded, nor is there any hope of success lift to us except one, that is your consent to their marriage.' They, in answer, said, 'Although it exposes us to the scorn of our people, still Laila seems never to forget the thought of Majnun for one single moment, and since we have taken her away from school she pines away every day. Therefore we should not mind giving Laila in marriage to Majnun, if only we were convinced that he is sane.'

On hearing this the parents of Majnun were much pleased and advised Majnun to behave sensibly, so that Laila's parents might have no cause to suspect him of being out of his mind. Majnun agreed to do everything his parents desired, if he could only meet his Laila. They went, according to the custom of the East, in procession to the house of the bride, where a special seat was made for the bridegroom, who was covered with garlands of flowers. But as they say in the East that the gods are against lovers, so destiny did not grant these perfect lovers the happiness of being together. The dog that used to accompany Laila to school happened to come into the room where they were sitting. As soon as Majnun's eyes fell on this dog his emotion broke out. He could not sit in the high seat and look at the dog. He ran to the dog and kissed its paws and put all the garlands of flowers on the neck of the dog. There was no sign of reverence or worship that Majnun did not show to this dog. 'The dust of the beloved's dwelling is the earth of Kaba to the lover.' This conduct plainly proved him insane. As love's language is gibberish to the loveless, so the action of Majnun was held by those present to be mere folly. They were all greatly disappointed, and Majnun was taken back home and Laila's parents refused their consent to the marriage.

This utter disappointment made Majnun's parents altogether hopeless, and they no longer kept watch over him, seeing that life and death to him were both the same, and this gave Majnun freedom to wander about the town in search of Laila, inquiring of everyone he met about Laila. By chance he met a letter-carrier who was carrying mail on the back of a camel, and when Majnun asked this man Laila's whereabouts, he said, 'Her parents have left this country and have gone to live a hundred miles from here.' Majnun begged him to give his message to Laila. He said, 'With pleasure.' But when Majnun began to tell the message the telling continued for a long, long time. 'The message of love has no end.'

The letter-carrier was partly amused and partly he sympathized with his earnestness. Although Majnun, walking with his camel, was company for him on his long journey, still, out of pity, he said, 'Now you have walked ten miles giving me your message, how long will it take me to deliver it to Laila? Now go your way, I will see to it.' Then Majnun turned back, but he had not gone a hundred yards before he returned to say, 'O kind friend, I have forgotten to tell you a few things that you might tell my Laila.' When he continued his message it carried him another ten miles on the way. The carrier said, 'For mercy's sake, go back. You have walked a long way. How shall I be able to remember all the message you have given me? Still, I will do my best. Now go back, you are far from home.' Majnun again went back a few yards and again remembered something to tell the message-bearer and went after him. In this way the whole journey was accomplished, and he himself arrived at the place to which he was sending the message.

The letter-carrier was astonished at this earnest love, and said to him, 'You have already arrived in the land where your Laila lives. Now stay in this ruined mosque. This is outside the town. If you go with me into the town they will torment you before you can reach Laila. The best thing is for you to rest here now, as you have walked so very far, and I will convey your message to Laila as soon as I can reach her.' 'Love's intoxication sees no time or space.'

Majnun listened to his advice and stayed there, and felt inclined to rest, but the idea that he was in the town where Laila dwelt made him wonder in which direction he should stretch out his legs. He thought of the north, south, east, and west, and thought to himself, 'If Laila were on this side it would be insolence on my part to stretch out my feet towards her. The best thing, then, would be to hang my feet by a rope from above, for surely she will not be there.' 'The lover's Kaba is the dwelling-place of the beloved.' He was thirsty, and could find no water except some rainwater that had collected in a disused tank.

When the letter-carrier entered the house of Laila's parents he saw Laila and said to her, 'I had to make a great effort to speak with you. Your lover Majnun, who is a lover without compare in all the world, gave me a message for you, and he continued to speak with me throughout the journey and has walked as far as this town with the camel.' She said, 'For heavens sake! Poor Majnun! I wonder what will become of him.' She asked her old nurse, 'What becomes of a person who has walked a hundred miles without a break?' The nurse said rashly, 'Such a person must die.' Laila said, 'Is there any remedy?' She said, 'He must drink some rainwater collected for a year past and from that water a snake must drink, and then his feet must be tied and he must be hung up in the air with his head down for a very long time. That might save his life.' Laila said, 'Oh, but how difficult it is to obtain!' God, who Himself is love, was the guide of Majnun, therefore everything came to Majnun as was best for him. 'Verily love is the healer of its own wounds.'

The next morning Laila put her food aside, and sent it secretly, by a maid whom she took into her confidence, with a message to tell Majnun that she longed to see him as much as he to see her, the difference being only of chains. As soon as she had and opportunity, she said, she would come at once.

The maid went to the ruined mosque, and saw two people sitting there, one who seemed self-absorbed, unaware of his surroundings, and the other a fat, robust man. She thought that Laila could not possibly love a person like this dreamy one whom she herself would not have cared to love. But in order to make sure, she asked which of them was named Majnun. The mind of Majnun was deeply sunk in his thought and far away from her words, but this man, who was out of work, was rather glad to see the dinner-basket in her hand, and said, 'For whom are you looking?' She said, 'I am asked to give this to Majnun. Are you Majnun?' He readily stretched out his hands to take the basket, and said, 'I am the one for whom you have brought it,' and spoke a word or two with her in jest, and she was delighted.

On the maid's return Laila asked, 'Did you give it to him?' She said, 'Yes, I did.' Laila then sent to Majnun every day the larger part of her meals, which was received every day by this man, who was very glad to have it while out of work. Laila one day asked her maid, 'You never tell me what he says and how he eats.' She said, 'He says that he sends very many thanks to you and he appreciates it very much, and he is a pleasant-spoken man. You must not worry for one moment. He is getting fatter every day.' Laila said, 'But my Majnun has never been fat, and has never had a tendency to become fat, and he is too deep in his thought to say pleasant things to anyone. He is too sad to speak.' Laila at once suspected that the dinner might have been handed to the wrong person. She said, 'Is anybody else there?' The maid said, 'Yes, there is another person sitting there also, but he seems to be beside himself. He never notices who comes or who goes, nor does he hear a word said by anybody there. He cannot possibly be the man that you love.' Laila said, 'I think he must be the man. Alas, if you have all this time given the food to the wrong person! Well, to make sure, today take on the plate a knife instead of food and say to that one whom you gave the food, 'For Laila a few drops of your blood are needed, to cure her of an illness.''

When the maid next went to the mosque the man as usual came most eagerly to take his meal, and seeing the knife was surprised. The maid told him that a few drops of his blood were needed to cure Laila. He said, 'No, certainly I am not Majnun. There is Majnun. Ask him for it.' The maid foolishly went to him and said to him aloud, 'Laila wants a few drops of your blood to cure her.' Majnun most readily took the knife in his hand and said, 'How fortunate am I that my blood may be of some use to my Laila. This is nothing, even if my life were to become a sacrifice for her cure, I would consider myself most fortunate to give it.' 'Whatever the lover did for the beloved, it could never be too much.' He gashed his arm in several places, but the starvation of months had left no blood, nothing but skin and bone. When a great many places had been cut hardly one drop of blood came out. He said, 'That is what is left. You may take that.' 'Love means pain, but the lover alone is above all pain.'

Majnun's coming to the town soon became known, and when Laila's parents knew of it they thought, 'Surly Laila will go out of her mind if she ever sees Majnun.' Therefore they resolved to leave the town for some time, thinking that Majnun would make his way home when he found that Laila was not there. Before leaving the place Laila sent a message to Majnun to say, 'We are leaving this town for a while, and I am most unhappy that I have not been able to meet you. The only chance of our meeting is that we should meet on the way, if you will go on before and wait for me in the Sahara.'

Majnun started most happily to go to the Sahara, with great hope of once more seeing his Laila. When the caravan arrived in the desert and halted there for a while, the mind of Laila's parents became a little relieved, and they saw Laila also a little happier for the change, as they thought, not knowing the true reason.

Laila went for a walk in the Sahara with her maid, and suddenly came upon Majnun, whose eyes had been fixed for long, long time on the way by which she was to come. She came and said, 'Majnun, I am here.' There remained no power in the tongue of Majnun to express his joy. He held her hands and pressed them to his breast, and said, 'Laila, you will not leave me any more?' She said, 'Majnun, I have been able to come for one moment. If I stay any longer my people will seek for me and your life will not be safe.' Majnun said, 'I do not care for life. You are my life, O stay, do not leave me any more.' Laila said, 'Majnun, be sensible and believe me. I will surely come back.' Majnun let go her hands and said, 'Surely I believe you.' So Laila left Majnun, with heavy heart, and Majnun, who had so long lived on his own flesh and blood, could no more stand erect, but fell backward against the trunk of a tree, which propped him up, and he remained there, living only on hope.

Years passed and this half-dead body of Majnun was exposed to all things, cold and heat and rain, frost and storm. The hands that were holding the branches became branches themselves, his body became a part of the tree. Laila was as unhappy as before on her travels, and the parents lost hope of her life. She was living only in one hope, that she might once fulfill her promise given to Majnun at the moment of parting, saying, 'I will come back.' She wondered if he were alive or dead, or had gone away or whether the animals in the Sahara had carried him off.

When they returned their caravan halted in the same place, and Laila's heart became full of joy and sorrow, of cheerfulness and gloom, of hope and fear. As she was looking for the place where she had left Majnun she met a woodcutter, who said to her, 'Oh, don't go that way. There is some ghost there.' Laila said, 'What is it like?' He said, 'It is a tree and at the same time man, and as I struck a branch of this tree with my hatchet I heard him say in a deep sigh, 'O Laila.' '

Hearing this moved Laila beyond description. She said she would go, and drawing near the tree she saw Majnun turned almost into the tree. Flesh and blood had already wasted, and the skin and bone that remained, by contact with the tree, had become like its branches. Laila called him aloud, 'Majnun!' He answered, 'Laila!' She said, 'I am here as I promised, O Majnun.' He answered, 'I am Laila.' She said, 'Majnun, come to your senses. I am Laila. Look at me.' Majnun said, 'Are you Laila? Then I am not,' and he was dead. Laila, seeing this perfection in love, could not live a single moment more. She at the same time cried the name of Majnun and fell down and died.

The beloved is all in all, the lover only veils him.
The beloved is all that lives, the lover a dead thing.

Jalaluddin Rumi, Mathnawi I, 30

True Confession

2009-01-27T21:23:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore

i guess i haven't been entirely honest with my readers and some friends. in person and in my blog post, i have always portrayed the sense of being the MR-know-all especially when it comes to love. love has been a the main issue for me, growing up and all. it has taught me many beautiful yet painful lessons. whatever it may seems, i guess its time to confess.

Dear readers, I'm not sure how to put it, but i guess the fact is; I'm not single. its kinda complicated for me to explain. its like those Malay song where the boyfriend sings about taking in their ex again because they really love their ex. i guess i still love her.even when i was with someone else. during the time when she was with her boyfriend and coincidentally i was chatting with her, i guess i was kind of sour to her. frankly, i was jealous. i know i haven't been treating her right, but i was a jerk, expecting her to be faithful and loyal. but then she did managed to slip out that she still has feelings for me. in actual fact, we have patched up again since like October '08.the problem with my ex is that though we are patching up, her presence was not felt. its was rarely that we were able to communicate via sms and some weekends on MSN. as all of you had known, i had always wanted more, wanted something concrete. I'm an insecure person. as long as there is some concrete relationship, I'm content.

at the same time, during those patching up period i would call it, i am also in love with someone else. we chatted, sms, fought and argued. but then, its her that i always go to at the end of the day. it because she's there. it's her that was always there. i know I'm bad. but then, she has made it a point, she can never be with me. she kept going back to her boyfriend when she broke up. till i felt at some point of time, I'm nothing to her. look it at my point of view, her family and I'm talking about your mak chu, mak long, pak ngah and all AKA her extended family, knows about her relationship with him. so if i were to come into the picture, what does that make me? someone who destroys relationship? that is egoistic. blame me all you want readers, i know I'm wrong. its entirely my fault.

so readers, its because of the lack of presence and concreteness that i am lovesick. its not like I'm out of love or something. i do have my ex who still loves me dearly. in fact, we met on Saturday before i headed to KL. we did some shopping, walking around and a lot of catching up. gosh, I'm touched when she said she wanna spent time with me before i go. sometimes, i wonder, what i did wrong to her the 1st time round. i guess i wanna dedicate my next post to how i met her.

Need some serious resting,
Lovesick Avenue

Afraid

2009-01-24T01:37:00.005+08:00

Al mio amore

what will be of this holiday? im not sure. school's out and being jobless. the two things i really wish i could change. im starting to be afraid. afraid that i'll be lonely. its not those without anyone special kind of lonely that i usually rattle about. but its those kind of lonely where i have no physical contact with anyone other then my family.

its those things that sometime made me stay up late at night. sitting by the window, thinking. what could she be doing in this possible hour? if she's asleep, i really wanna see her sleep. i mean, looking at her sorts of makes my inside goes warm. the chest cavity tingles. i miss those time when it happen especially when i saw her. been a while since i saw her. how i wish i know how is she doing. i have this habbit of secretly glancing at her and telling myself how lucky and blissful to have the chance to know her. god, i wish she does read this blog. i mean, i dont usually write specifically. so i guess if she were to read this, then she also wouldnt know im talking about her.

there's so much i could talk about her. but i do not wish to reveal her identity through the clues i leave behind. im in no position to even like her. look at me, how pathetic i could be. i dont have the looks, the voice nor the qualities.she's even attached, so yeah i dont want to disrupt her life but then again some girls been telling me that im so sweet towards them. i myself didnt notice that,maybe i do it too often to even be noticed. i dunno. what i know is, im just good at it.LOL

anyway, i'll be on a hiatus
Lovesick Avenue

Keep me in your prayers

2009-01-23T00:25:00.006+08:00

Al mio amore

in this symbolic world, we usually find ourselves stuck in a situation that causes us to be breathless, restless and anxious. these situation plays the building steps of the community. for if there were no problems, there wouldn't be any group of people who will come together and seek advices from each other. we could have lead our lives in seclusion, feed our ego with improper mindsets and such.thinking that we do not need anyone but our self. but then, we realise something: living in the made up world within our own comfort zone does not provide for us the sense of accomplishment, being wanted and the sense of fulfilment.

these things, these missing pieces,some may find it in love, some find it in health and the list goes on. but what's there if one could not make up their mind on those? i believe that in having the fulfilment of those, one need to make up their mind or know what is missing in their mind. thus it allows for easier compensation to self. for if one still do not know what is missing, then i guess, we'll be forever lost and not be able to feel the greatness of life.

however, to reach this "completeness" in life, one may have to sacrifice here and there. i mean lets all face it, if everything in our life goes our way, everyone will be rich, famous and the best. but the way we are made, we can never be the same for all.

but all that besides the point.truth is, i have not been able to connect myself and my thoughts together. seeing her sometimes remind me, how painful it was knowing that she was no longer there. i wish she knew, although i know its kind of hard these days to get the message across. i blame myself for this. i have never been a good speaker, i stutter, i lost my train of thought, somehow, my mouth cant move as fast as my brain thinks. worst is having those all at the same time. it always happens to me in class. i dunno, maybe it was due to my sickness. its getting worst. its not that i don't want to go to the doctor, i mean, why go when you already know what is happening to yourself. i feel that i know my body better. but whatever it is, i know she can do it without me.

Keep me in your prayers,
Lovesick Avenue

Time Keeper

2009-01-20T23:55:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore

Time has been a crucial factor in life. time has the affinity towards our surrounding and environment. without time, we wont know the value of things, life and feelings. i had wanted to put love there, but for some reason, i procrastinate.
but that's besides the point. the whole point is, it serves us dearly. making itself part of our lives that we seek no other but to run and chase after time. we rely on it as a margin to show and express our honesty, sincerity and such.

we have datelines due, planes to catch, appointments and goals to meet. how is it possible without time? most of our life, we are pre-occupied in our time rush. rushing for time as they say. but it takes a deep realisation to see that it has not only taken over our lives. but also, our feelings as well.

look at those time you spent in school;hours of mental stress, agony and pain. then before you know it, its almost ending. some feel the relief, hoping to get some time off from the harsh mental straining from school. but then again, because of the time spent with those classmates be it with ups and downs, suddenly you felt lost. you feel that you are going to lose the friendship and have to start over. you feel that somehow, without them in your life, its gonna be dull and boring. you wouldn't mind spending more time in school just to be with them. somehow, you grew attached to them. this is of course, with due time.

its the same for relationships. after you grew to like the person, you would want to spent all your time with that person. you now feel that without that person in your life, you would have been different or your existence would be of no particular value or use. i know it sounds silly but we do exchange vows saying that we are going to love each other for eternity, but to what extent is eternity? look around us, the number of people being depressed and out of love. and time doesnt seem to have changed this statistic, especially in this era.

its time,
Lovesick Avenue

Loverboy

2009-01-13T23:33:00.002+08:00

Al mio amore,

i had always thought i was strong. strong enough that i could easily avoid confronting. but recently that i realise, none of us were really strong. all these while we have been lying to ourselves. No, I'm not strong. in fact i believe I'm the weakest. i feel that i could break down anytime soon.

there was a time when i had knew this girl. we both knew we share a feeling for each other. but i guess we were worlds apart. i maybe the 1st guy she ever falls for but that doesn't mean she's gonna want a person like. I'm a joke. who ever took me seriously needs some medical attention. or maybe i need that medical attention.

but soon i realise, i have a gift. a gift of knowing what girls want. sometimes, although its hard for me to explain. sometimes its like i know when a girl needs that extra attention. be it with words or action, i think somehow i can manage to find a way to their hearts. blame me for once being a loverboy

Lovesick Avenue

Back from long hiatus

2009-01-12T21:49:00.002+08:00

Al mio amore

for i had a quote that says: what can't be seen, doesnt mean it can't be felt. what can't be felt doesn't mean its not there.

one cant see love, but that doesnt prove that one cant feel it. at times, we are soo fogged up by the thigs around us that sometimes we too can't feel the love. but does that mean it does not exist?

most of the time we find it hard to confess. strange thing is , the things we usually can't confess could be summarised in to 3 beautiful words that make up- I Love You. true isnt it? sometimes we find it so hard, so difficult to confess that we love someone. be it with our parents, our family or even to the ones we admire.

ever told somebody about your feelings for that person? I did, or i think i did. well, i got her gifts but was never brave enough to give it to her personally. we would meet everyday, but never was there a brave moment or chance for me to talk to her. i have always looked and admire her, but never do our eyes meet. worst, we bid farewell when i was about to get comfortable and had summed up the courage to talk to her.

so my friend, this is how painful some of my experience with love is. all these eventually allow me to think, am i really hoping for the better or the worst? to try to forget and moving on is simple. when you have your attention else where that is.

Lovesick Avenue

2009-01-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

Al mio amore

WILL NOT BE POSTING TILL MY LAYOUT IS BETTER

Lovesick Avenue

Wahdatul Wujud (The One existence) * Not for Non muslims*

2009-01-07T22:20:00.006+08:00

Al mio amore,

for this post, im not going to write or express in the conventional method which i always do. forgive me, for this wanting to write on this topic has been burning in me. it had actually started long ago, during the time i had 1st learnt about the wisdom of Islam, the wisdom of life.

we as human are created for a reason. a reason for us to worship Him and only Him. for that is written in his holy books. however, without knowing the essence of the worship itself, all is lost. its like having a can of mixed fruits but not knowing what fruits is in the can.

Know that our prayers are actually living the essence of worship itself. for when we stand in Qiyam, it represent alif. the sifatul huruf which shows it stands alone, strong and majesty.in which we must understand that these are the attributes given to Him.

then when we do our Ruku'. it represents Ha. this is where it represents the humbleness, the plainess or rather uniform. at the same time for the worshiper it projects the idea of the worshipper being honest and focused. all these that have been taught by the prophet.

next would be the Qu'ud, the sitting down. Mim represents this action. the wisdom behind it would then be faithful. sitting in calmness, waiting. for it also shows that this is one of the being clam, willing to accept anything that has been served to him

lastly is the Sujud. the sujud brings about the last and the highest state of spiritual purity. symbolised by Dal. it holds the hikmah or wisdom. it potrays acceptence and the state of Tawaduk or rather the state of humbleness and ever accepting any orders or things that happen it happens because of Him.

when all those sybolisation put together it form the word Ahmad. so who is this Ahmad and where is it? as we know, Ahmad is one of the many beautiful names of Muhammad. but according to this hakikat, or the reality of worship, we are potraying Ahmad. thus this is where the sentence, " kita ni muhammad yang memikul sifat Ahmad" which means we are Muhammad who carries the attributes of Ahmad.

now one will ask how come we are Muhammad? Muhammad in reality has died more the a centuary ago. but in wisdom sense, we are all Muhammad. for without him, there would be no creation, for without him there wont be Adam. how did this came about for in the Quran and the Bible it states that Adam was the 1st human?

we have to back tract abit here. for during the creation of this world. there was nothing but Him. From His essences, He created a Nur or what we call light. this is the Light of Muhammad (Nur Muhammad). from the light, it was divided into parts. one parts makes the Arash and the Kursi. the other part was made into the Kalam or the Pen and the Book (Luh mahfuz). the next part was turned in to this beautiful creation that we live in, the entire universe ('Alam). and the last part is what became of Muhammad, the Seal of Prophets. thus this answer to the question, what is the Light mentioned in the Bible (let there be light)in the 1st chapter and the 1st spoken words of God. this light is the reality of Muhammad.

Now when all the piecess put together, do we see something? do we see that we are created from the reality of Muhammad in which was from the essence of God himself? in other words, we are the essence of God of which is through Muhammad. years ago, there were a few men who had reached the reality of what i had explained earlier in which they were in the state of estacy.

some, like Shyakh Siti Jenar even claims that God is within him. Infact to the extent of saying he is God. ouh for beautiful reasons, i do agree on what he said. we are God to our own fate. its us who decide on our fate, for in the Quran it had said, "I will not change the fate of the people if they do not make the effort to change it first". and like Ghazali had said in his Alchemy of Happiness, " none can understand a king but a king, thus God made each of us a king in miniature, so to speak, over a kingdom(our self) which is an infinitely reduced copy of His own".

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition

2009-01-05T20:27:00.002+08:00

Al mio amore,

they say love brings about many thing. it is because of love that we are created. because of love, Noah brought aboard his ark animals of different species. because of love Moses brought his people out of the Pharaoh's unjust hand.it was because of love that Joseph was being tempted by God through Potiphar's wife. it was because of love that Jesus is said to have died for mankind. It was because of love Muhammad is known to be the most influential single figure that ever lived.

it is not hard to see we are all engulf in the passion and flame of love. be it love for God, love for religion or even love between us. we are just mere human, nothing more then just ordinary souls leading ordinary life. we need love. physically, our body needs food, water, air to live. but then what about the soul? the soul too needs nourishment and that is love.

a soul without love is like a dry bread. bread with cracks and crumbles when broken into two. is that how we want to be? in crumbles and have cracks all over. think about it, for God have created us to be in pairs. so one thing that i still could not comprehend is why do we still have to look for love? shouldnt love be shared? shouldnt love be there readily?

Pondering and wondering
Lovesick Avenue

when love is true

2009-01-05T00:08:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore,

there is something about the way that she makes me feel tonight. feeling lonely, feeling lost. feeling sad. all these mixed emotion makes my head spin. why cant we just be like a normal teenager? who shares a mutal feeling of love. its not so hard. just the exhange of "i love you", "i miss you", " see you tmr, love". all these short and simple messages yet very soul touching messages is what i think our relationship lacks of.

its ok if there is someone else other than me. its ok if you dont want to commit. its ok if you have your reasons. i dont need to hear them. i just need you to give me the sense of being loved. being there for me.

God, how much i miss those time when we used to stay up late at night, either chatting away or sms-ing each other. i miss those time when you made me important. i mean you still made me important. but i guess im no longer your priority. maybe you were right. i cant make up my mind. well i have my reasons. reasons that i think is valid enough. but it makes me wonder, what does it make me? what will you think of me now?

maybe 2008 has its way of saying goodbye. look at us. look at how far we parted. those small misunderstanding. but i know it made us believe in each other stronger. it made me think of you much deeper. deeper in the sense that if only we are together. anyway, i still do love you like i said. in fact, i love everyone. im learning to love people now. never to hate. just envy of their well being

Lovesick Avenue

in my opinion

2009-01-02T23:38:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore

the longing to meet lingers in me. sometimes i don't understand. could this be a new beginning? could this be a downfall on my part? I'm not sure. i try to indulge in positive, constructive works but all seems to be wasted away by time. i wonder, if there is any growth in me. be it spiritual or emotional, i am not sure if there is any progress.

no point loving and claiming you are happy if fights are unavoidable. no point being in love when what you want is only a connection between the two of you. so i guess i hold no authority on these things. i wish there were ways i could be in charge. but then, all i see is a higher hierarchy. this goes on. be it at home, in school, in any organisation, there will be someone higher stepping on your head.

sometimes the hardest thing is to realise that nothing last forever. but the worst part is when you have to get up and move on. getting up and realising that a lot of things have been wasted is easy, but moving on from the pain is the difficult part. the pains stays, buried under those beautiful smiles. ask the ladies with beautiful smiles, and i can assure you that they have a sad tale to tell.

tell me of a tale of happiness, and I'll tell you a sad ending
Lovesick Avenue

Dont wanna wake up

2008-12-27T22:19:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore

to begin with, im not sure why i wanna write about those times i had with her. i dont know. maybe i just miss her that much. they say, if you love someone, the 1st face that pops up in your mind when you wake up and the last face you wanna see before you sleep is that special someone. i guess its kinda true to have such feelings. such deep devotional feeling about someone may come out of pure love or through willing heartedness.

but then again, i wish my time with her was prolonged. i know i dont stand a chance. who am i to her now? just a friend? or maybe even worst, someone whom she used to know. i must admit, i changed.she might not even know who i am right now. but then, she must know, its her that i have been thinking of. for they say

A millon words would not bring u back...
i know cause ive tried...
and a millon tears wouldnt either...
i know because ive cried

lovesick avenue

Survey

2008-12-24T02:07:00.001+08:00

1- What is your real name?
Muhammad Ridhaus Sholihin

2- Which one do you prefer to be call?
I was given the title Sheikh by my spiritual teacher, friends call me Rid, family calls me Sholihin

3- Are u currently wearing something green?
Errr, No. Why? Its not the environmental awareness month right?

4- Do u eat raw salmon?
Can I have it with a tiny bit of wasabi?

5- Are u married? If no, when do u intend to get hitched?
Haha, I have all this planned out. Get married by 25. Have the 1st born by 30.

6- Are u attached or no? If yes whats his name and how do u met?
NO NO! Now you don’t want me sad, do you?

7- If you are attached, would you mind if your girl got kissed by someone?
Kiss on the cheeks or lips? Cheeks is ok, but lips is a off limit ok? I sometimes find it hard to kiss then u wanna suka suka kiss her ah?

8- Do u love answering back?
Ouh, you don’t want to know

9- What is you fav color? Name three.
Black, Green & Blue

10- Why do u like the 2nd color of your earlier answer?
Green? Ouh, its just like the most abundant colour available

11- Do u think u are someone known to public?
People may know me, but I have difficulty to remember faces and names . worst when im caught without glasses

12- Have u had sex with anyone before?
Nolah. Im a Sheikh leh. Cannot cannot

13- Do u like to be hated?
Well, if hated like Hitler? Why not? Atleast I will make it to History books

14- Do u think this survey is stupid? If yes, why? If no, why?Why?
Stupid? Well, I prefer if I answer the question, further question is being asked. But I don’t get it here. So yeah maybe this is stupid

15- What is your fav lingerie shops? Name two.
I don’t do lingerie.

16- Do u prefer to wear G-string or normal undies?
Me? I prefer au natural. And for my girl, booty shorts are hot

17- What is your fav watch brand?
Patek Philippe & Seiko

18- Have u own all the above mentioned watches yet?
I have a Seiko watch. Bought it because I haven’t been wearing watch for months. Patek Philippe? Does imitation one counts? The one I got it at KL night market

19- What is your current addiction fav song?
Ouh for malay songs right, it has got to be the 60s oldies. The words got UMPH. If English, the I guess it has got to be

20- Name your fav blog website besides than your site (list their name down)
I visit everyone’s blog that I know on a daily basis. But there is this one particulat blog, its called the Happeepill. It helps me distress. Go check him out at www.happeepill.com

21- Do u think by blogging can make u famous?
I prefer writing a novel or short stories to make me famous. Blogging is kinda hassle. Once famous, must have to keep up with the blog and such

22- Do u support rima melati adams or ida nerina? Pls chose only one.
Ida looks shagged and old. And im a supporter of local homegrown talent. So it has to be Rima

23- Do u think taufik batisah or hady mirza has the nicest voice? Chose only one.
Taufik ah, he can tangkap lentok beb

24- Are u planning to adopt a child like Angelina Jolie does?
Why waste my load of army of millions?

25- Do u think you are pretty/handsome?
Ouh my, im the most disgusting thing ever

26- Do u rate yourself as caring or understanding?
What’s in between? Im in between

27- What is your occupation now?
Full time student.

28- Where do u usually shop for your clothes?
KL. Clothes there are cheaper

29- Do u prefer dresses or t-shirt and shorts? Chose only one.
Unless im at home, it has to be t-shirt. You seldom see me in shorts. Only for camps, maybe.

30- If you were given a miracle to change something in yourself, what would it be? List four.
Face, body, mind, sex

If you wish to know whats your friend's secret, pass this on to at least 8 girls. Let them know if they got choosen for this survey!
To azie: it says girls leh. But kesian u keep tagging me, I still do it

Im sorry

2008-12-23T00:51:00.004+08:00

Al mio amore,

there is a song by our home-grown talent Dick Lee that goes:

When will you go away?
I know you would someday.
I've known it all along.
I've just been waiting for you to say.
this is your time to grow,
so don't say a word
just go
as long as I'm part of you
is all that i ever need to know

I wish i knew if i was ever part of you. part of any memory that is left behind. they say time heals everything,but im still deeply attached to you. its not that i have not tried, i tried my best to let go of this feeling.i just wish she know how i feel.If your reading this i wish you know, days without you is really tragic. Girl, Im sorry

Joyful joyful!

2008-12-19T00:46:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore,

how much can one actually endure the pain of waiting? waiting for that someone to realise that we have been waiting all along. waiting for that someone to say yes, even when we our self believe that its not going to happen.

for all this, a wise man would say, time is not the factor. its patience. for if you had asked any mum, they would tell that they wont mind carrying the fetus in her womb no matter how long its gonna take as long as they know the fetus is safe. that is how the nature of motherly love is. they don't care if its going to take them months or even years, they would still endure for they knew the joy of bringing life to earth.

i too, want to bring joy to something. i feel that its necessary for me to bring joy to this world. look around, and we'll see how troubled the world is. but i cant seem to find something that i can bring joy to. in fact, I'm not a joyful person, i don't smile that much. i have too many things running in my mind all at the same time. bless me.

i had wanted to spread the joy by spreading love. but come to think of it, who would want my love?

call me if you need loving
Lovesick Avenue

Pure Love

2008-12-14T22:20:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore,

the joy of love is being close to the ones we love. the warmth, the home-y feeling of having someone there for you every time. with time, this feeling grows into us. feeling that the world only revolves around us and our other half. one may see it as egoistic but for me, its the exclusive privilege that is given to those in love.

i say, there are some cases that it doesn't go that way. like for instance, a long-distance relationship i once had. its kinda tough to keep up with such relationship. travelling is one factor, but then the lonesome nights. its more hurtful then not being in love.its those lonely nights where you sit by the window, wondering what your other half is doing. you question if your other half truly love you, is faithful, if the other half is even missing you.

it hurts at times to know that there are couples out there who just cant get along but they still love each other. i have a friend who is undergoing this type of relationship. sometimes i do pity her. she knows that they guy is just not for her. especially when he's fooling around behind her. but perhaps there are other things that i have yet to uncover that made her stay on. my only guess is that she treasure those times when they are OK. it might even me just be purely out of love

Hoping that love would stay pure
Lovesick Avenue

A letter to Nobody

2008-12-11T21:16:00.004+08:00

Al mio amore,

i have been keeping this from everyone. but i guess its time for me to let them know. i has been a difficult semester for me this time round. struggling with life, studies and love. 1st few months of the very semester really shows how low i can go. to the extent that only recently a friend had expressed the transition in me up to a point that she doesn't recognise me anymore. not literally but characterically. its like yeah, im different. i dont seem to be myself.

I guess what's bother me is the condition im in right now. i used to belive the saying what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, but now i got a better saying which goes by what doesnt kill you hurts you much deeper. haiz, if only i can express out all my trouble here for all of you to read. this problem has been affecting my life so much. because of some concerns about future problem might arise, i guess i will leave it to those who ask me personally.

till then,
Lovesick Avenue

Tomboy-ish is the new kind of girl

2008-12-10T22:00:00.004+08:00

Al mio amore,

sometimes i do wonder, if really there is love at first sight. if you call it love that is. so what is love at 1st sight? i guess the norm would be falling in love with someone when you 1st place your sight on the other party. its straightforward enough and you can get that literally. if that's the case then, i guess I'm more of the love at first sight person. i mean, i fall for girls this way more often then you see me going to the loo.

seriously i have the hots for girls who have the boyish side portrayed on their looks. i know it sounds sick, but hey, everyone is entitled for their own opinion. i find these girls to be more independent then those girly girls- no offence, i know they are cute and all. but when they get really clingy, that's when its irritating. to be fair, OK at times when they are clingy like when they wanna show their loving part, I'm OK with it. in fact i like it. but when everything i do, i must report, that's what i hate the most.reporting at times should be OK, but then reporting on every move. even my mum don't do that. so its a bit uncomfortable. so girls, especially my future girlfriend, please take note!

OK back to being independent. i find that being independent is important in a relationship. though i must say i myself at times being too dependent on someone. but then again, its bad enough to have one party who is dependent. two negatives does not always make a positive.

I'm the type of person who is surrounded by people but usually isolates from the crowd. be it because i have no issues to talk about or either i make myself unapproach-able, i always seems to be left out. thats why i guess to have a girl who can go around and mingle with the company is better rather then her having to stick with me and suffer total boredom.

there's more to this in
Lovesick Avenue

Season Greetings

2008-12-07T23:42:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore,

have you ever had someone to slip their hand into your's when you least expected? have anyone gave you a kiss when you werent looking? well, last Christmas, someone did. i mean to me. yeah it was a lovely experience. an experience that i cant seem to forget. been a while i had such suprise. but then again, im single what can i expect.

the tenderness of a touch evoke a special essence. an essence that even science could not explain. each touch gives a this warmth, this passion. each kiss gives off a mind blowing emotion. thats how i felt when she did that. God, i think that how cartoonist got the idea about when one falls in love, there's sparks. LOL

but time after time, thinking back, i think thats the best part festive season. it brings about the closeness with each other. the bonding with one another, and even brings out the love for each other. during these time its good to realise that there is always hope even when time seems to be difficult

Hoping for the better
Lovesick Avenue

I'll do anything -Jason Mraz

2008-12-06T21:38:00.005+08:00

Go make your next choice be your best choice
And if you're looking for a boy with a voice, well baby I'm single
Are you in the mood for some dude, are you in the mood to be subdued
Or would you rather just mingle?
Let's get set then to go then and let us jet set we'll be like the jetsons
You can be Jane my wife. Should I marry Jane tonight?

I would if I could. I'd do most anything spontaneously.

Or we can keep chilling like ice cream filling
We can cool in the gang if you'd rather hang
Ain't no thing. I can be lugubrious with you.
I got no ifs ands ors no wits or whats about it
But this place is getting crowded and my house is two blocks away
Or maybe closer

I would if I could. I'd do most anything spontaneously.
You know I would, if I could. I'll do anything spontaneously.

If you could be nimble, you'd have it simple just like me.
So go on and try it, do not deny yourself your freedom.

So step on up to the plate get a date with mraz
See you better act fast because supplies they never last
Now did you know this is limited time offer
So go make your mind up before our times up
You better start winding it up because the party's almost over
(and if you should know girl, go a little bit lower now)

see how I would, if I could. I'd do most anything spontaneously.
You know I would, and I can prove it. I'll do anything spontaneously.

Tomorrow, Today and There-after

2008-12-03T22:35:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore

they say, time is an important factor. yes its true, time is an important factor in life. for with time, one ages, one mature. time is given fairly to all of us. each of us has 24 hours. its on one's account on how to use the time wisely. time penetrates the skin and causes wrinkles, time penetrates through paper and yellows it, time penetrates the walls and causes it to grow and sprouting moss.see, time does have and adverse effect on us, our lives and our surrounding.

however we see it, time does effect us. time heals the heart, time breaks the ice between us and our co-worker. time resolves a lot of tension. strangely, there is only a particular feeling that time do not penetrate. Love.

love is the only thing that is able withstand time. no matter how long it takes, time will never be able to penetrate. we don't grow sick of love, we don't change our love with time. this is the beauty of love. like water and oil, it doesn't mix.

Girl, no matter how long it takes to make you realise I'll wait because i still love you...

Lovesick Avenue

Go figure

2008-12-03T01:02:00.000+08:00

Al mio amore

That Personality Test :: Your Results
The latest personality test from ThatSurveySite... now featuring more and better questions than ever!

Emotional (37%)	[.................]	Logical (63%)
Concerned about self (56%)	[...................]	Concerned about others (44%)
Atheist (8%)	[............]	Religious (92%)
Loner (37%)	[.................]	Dependent (63%)
Laid-back (62%)	[..................]	Driven (38%)
Traditional (59%)	[..................]	Rebel (41%)
Impetuous (44%)	[...................]	Organized (56%)
Engineering mind (46%)	[...................]	Artistic mind (54%)
Cynical (45%)	[...................]	Idealist (55%)
Follower (50%)	[....................]	Leader (50%)
Introverted (40%)	[..................]	Extroverted (60%)
Conservative (69%)	[................]	Liberal (31%)
Logical (36%)	[.................]	Romantic (64%)
Uninterested (49%)	[....................]	Sexual (51%)
Insecure (65%)	[.................]	Confident (35%)
Selective (25%)	[...............]	Tolerant (75%)
Pessimistic (53%)	[...................]	Optimistic (47%)
Principled (35%)	[.................]	Pragmatic (65%)
Tolerant (39%)	[..................]	Opinionated (61%)
Humble (60%)	[..................]	Elitist (40%)

http://www.thatsurveysite.net/take/tpt">Take the test!

In the memory of a loving teacher

2008-12-01T20:56:00.004+08:00

Al mio amore,

for how much is the worth of memories if it is not being shared nor being cherished? true, not all memories are of what we dream of or what we want. but then, behind all these memories lies a hidden story of which could not be told if not for these memories. a story that ticks the mind to think what if one had done or had chosen another path. a story that have endless possibilities.

each possibilities brings about another endless possibilities. this carries on till there is no end. so where is this fate that people keep talking about? i see fate as a creation of humans. we write our own fate, we decide what we should do. its only the chances that happen sometimes that we are not able to do what we had planned.

as a person who holds to religion, at times i do argue with myself, my denial self. i try to deny everything about God planning everything for us. i mean, i do agree that God himself has planned everything for us. but what he plans is actually the end. as in what will be of us, who will we get married to and such. but in between then and then, we decide on our own. we choose who we love, what we study, what we work as.

im not sure if im making any sense,
Lovesick Avenue

Goodbye Bonda

Love is beautiful

2008-11-30T22:26:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore,

for God had said let there be light. that we cant deny for it is already written. be it in the Bible, or be it on the Hadith its there. we cant deny it. for all the Abrahamic religion has it. but what we lack is actually the knowledge of why God had wanted there to be light.

light itself is the essence of God. don't you think the big guy up there has nothing better but to part with his own essence? don't get me wrong, there must be a reason why there is that light. for the only reason i could think of would be love. because of his love for the sons of Adam and daughters of Eve. it is due to his love that he gave the light. his love for us is undefined. we cant measure how much he loves us.

just imagine this, for without the love, i believe that we could have been created differently. we could have been created maybe with overly large eyes. or maybe we could all be created blind. but for the love of his creation, he gave us light. because he wants us to see all his creation, how delicate they are, how defined and sophisticated each and everyone is. so sit and think, have we done enough to show our appreciation to God. that is God. he is proud of his creations and he is proud that no two of his creations are the same. but he never ask much. all he wants is complete submission to him that he is one and only one.

Doesn't that teach us the power of love?how love can shape the world, how love can create the wonders of life. why is it so hard to believe in love? i know, most of us have bad experience with love. you name it, there are bound to be some of us having gone through that experience.but then, doesn't that makes us to be who we are? I'm rather hurt when one do say that he or she does not believe in love anymore. its like we are defying the gift of God.

love is like an art, for not art are known to the world but they are still a masterpiece. each experience makes up the vivid colour while each goodbye we say to each other makes up the black pencil lines which defines our status. our life, our daily goings make up the canvas while our personality, our feelings makes up the artist who paints the whole picture.

till my canvas has more colours
Lovesick Avenue

just a little too much of a goodbye

2008-11-29T23:31:00.004+08:00

Al mio amore,

to begin with, goodbye happens. yes it happens. at the end of the day, one will bid goodbye to their friends in school, to their partners at work, or even to family members when one goes to bed. but have it ever occur to us that today's goodbye will sometime mean there is no hello tomorrow?

for they say, tomorrow may never come for some of us. tonight we sleep, we cant be too sure if we could wake up tomorrow with the morning rays shining on us. we cant be too sure if there is even tomorrow. what if tomorrow is nothing? what if time stops? what if its like the end?

are we afraid? are we prepared? have we satisfy ourselves ? our lust? our hunger? our thirst? before we could to move on to the next world if it even exist.

so friends, life is beautiful. but what makes life beautiful? its something objective i must say. for some, love makes it beautiful. for others, things like understanding our purpose on this world, the very connections we have with each other, the people with different and random lives and the list goes on. i must say, its only when we looses something that we realise it is beautiful. its like looking up the sky one day, what we see is that only when the cloud parts that the sun can shine.

till the sun shine again,
Lovesick Avenue

to put a smile on your face

2008-11-25T23:30:00.004+08:00

Al mio amore

to be one that can make people laugh, make people feel happy is easy for me. in fact i have been doing that all my life. i bring joy and laughter. i give them a sense of calmness and understanding. but what they do not see is that behind every comedian, lies a tale full of tragedies.

to begin with, its not so hard to make people smile and fall in love with you. all you have to do is to create a trust person u want smiling. by doing so, you sort of have this mutual understanding and trust of the person. only with trust that a person can open up their hard wall of defence and melt like ice cream in your hands.

from there, we could proceed on to the next level which is the bait. every fish knows what is a bait. but they cant seem to resist to it. so the bait in this case would be giving up your ear for them to talk everything out. let them share what they feel, what are their problems. even though u sort of know the gist of the problem, act as if u have no clue to it. always behave humbly, saying you are not good at giving advices and all when you know exactly what to do. always prompt the person to tell more. one may use their creative ideas for this. but usually for girls, all they need is attention. give them your full attention. you'll see what i mean.

the next step would be reeling in. that's when u start showing interest in their problem. this however may lead to some disappointment. that is why i advice, never to put your feelings on the line till the last part of the whole process. when you reel in, this is when its time you look out for possible loopholes to the heart.using these loop holes, one can sort of gather more things to know about the person. especially so when the person is vulnerable.

OK, i think i have been crapping a lot. so i guess till here then, if u want to know more about what i have been saying above, contact me through my MSN

Lovesick Avenue

Behind every name

2008-11-23T23:42:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore

I'm not a prolific writer, but i have to admit some of the content i write is a bit of a masterpiece i must say. but heck care, do anyone care? well maybe the original lovesick avenue does, because this blog carries their name.

the name itself is simple yet it evokes a certain emotion in me. Lovesick. yeah, that's currently how i feel. i have always felt. the sick feeling that either gets stuck in the throat or at the back of the stomach. ask yourself, have you ever been in love with someone you know u can never have? be it you being to young for her, be it she is in a relationship or be it she just can get over him because he has been with her for sometime. its all the same, it hurts. i mean physically it does hurt. i sometimes feel that the heart is experiencing a sort of tingling sensation in the cardiac region that sometimes i feel my guts shriveled up into a ball hanging loosely in me. at night, i feel so cold. crouching myself into a ball, pulling my legs up as close to me just to get heat. while some of us sleep, cuddling our partners, I'm left out cold.

then the word Avenue gives the ambiance of a street life. it pictures to me like a life of a guy next door who is out of love when u put the names together. but the word itself is peculiar. why Avenue, and not Street? not drive? is it a sort of approach as in somewhere one thing is being done to vent something?

pondering,
Lovesick Avenue

love is a many splendored thing

2008-11-21T23:41:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore,

to love is a beautiful thing. but being in love is far more beautiful than it. how can it be, one may ask, but its the fact. the fact that to be in love is when 2 hearts become one. 2 different lives become one. its the feeling that one has that it may seem childish to some. especially to our parents who keep thinking that we are too young. to soft a heart that we could not take any hiccups

look at our parents. be it being match-made or be it having their own relationship. they love each other. one may joked about it. as in we are the result of their "accident" but then again its about love. the love they share. look at it this way, if they had not thought about love or felt love, they wouldnt have painstakingly made ue, thought about the future and about how they are going to support us. thinking of what will be of us when we grow up.

i find it funny how one label having sex as love making. do we even notice that its not even proper to some extent? i mean, love making involves 2 different people showing love to each other. its not about the sex at all. sex is their after-math of loving. its the joy of loving someone. the bliss both parties live in. thus having sex is not love making. its a whole different thing all together.

look around us, everything is about love. food for example, the Pizza Hut calls they product veggie lover's. lame as it may sound, but its because of the love for veggie that they all it that way. look at the movies, be it Malay-wood, Hollywood, Bollywood. 70-80 percent of their movies circles around the idea of love. then comes the celebration, isn't Valentine about love? isn't Christmas about love, the joy of family togetherness ? the Hari Raya Haj about love? OK, this i have to explain. going to pilgrimage . where does it includes love? coming to Mecca is a long and tedious journey, but if one does not love his God, one does not love his religion, who would want to leave behind his family and enjoy the bliss and comfort of his own house?

in fact in English, we could label our house as home. you see, the 2 difference of these is that one is just a protective structure from rain and other external factor. but as for home its about how it involves feelings and people. our comfort zone, our warmness of love. i must say, most of the time i don't feel it. but then again, its still my best comfort zone.

till next time,
Lovesick Avenue.

still trying

2008-11-20T09:18:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore,

to each his own. that's what i want to say for today. life being lead differs from one subject to another. to lead a life of which one trust and believe in god, to lead a simple life, to live and let go... the list goes on. but then when one tries to go out of the norm, to try to have a change in life; its not usually being accepted readily.

i try to blend in, i try to change the image. but then again, what good can it have? I'll always be me. this is life. no matter how hard one tries to change,one is always bound to roots of his character. or maybe im just not good enough or not trying hard enough

619

2008-11-18T22:23:00.002+08:00

Al mio amore,

Guys and gals, im lost. seriously i just discovered that there is really a blog of an underground band named "Lovesick Avenue". so help me out people, should i change this blog name and link? comments needed.

shrinking world

2008-11-17T20:55:00.005+08:00

Al mio amore

have we been to reliant on technology that it had become part of us? i sit and wonder. lie and ponder. what has the world come to? look at me, i sort of feel that i need to use the laptop on a daily basis. be it chat, Friendster or Facebook or just looking around, i feel the need to stay connected. but to be too reliant on it, it had never came across my mind.

With the paperless system in RP, I'm getting sick of reading off PowerPoint presentations. i can seem to bother. i mean, you do the maths. one day at least there will be 3 PowerPoint. one facilitator's, the rest would be students. it is to the extent that the facilitators themselves labeled the point where they explain their PowerPoint the "6th P" or in English, the 6th presentation.and that's only for one day.

if u have full attendance, which always happens during the 1st few weeks of school, it will mean all 5 students presentation plus the facilitator's. this would simply mean listening to 5 things again and again, but u wont be sure if all the 5 are correct until u hear the last one. worst is, if we have a open ended problem. all the 5 teams might have 5 different presentations.isn't it too taxing for the mind to be able to focus for all teams when its already past 2?

that's not all, then comes the test. the UT. hurgh! this is far most one of the most irritating thing that we have in the school. I'm not sure if they are really testing us on our understanding or our memorisation skills. they allow us to refer to the 6th P, but sometimes of of the crookedness of their mind, i find "incomplete" slides. i done mean its not done or something. what i meant was instead of helping us, the slides throw us questions. questions that if answered correctly, will answer the test questions. Lame, but true. this is how the whole system work. its like a must to have a personal laptop to keep up with all these bombardments.

that's just for the academic part of technology.now to our daily life. do you notice that all of our monies are being controlled by these artificial technology? look at it these way, when we deposit it through the machine, its like as if we are feeding the wall. then in that same time, we magically see the amount we have being deposited into our account. and in the same short period of time, our monies can be used halfway across the world with the press if buttons. it may sound cool at 1st but when u think of it, it kinda spooks me. money nowadays travel faster then our jet plane.

socially, its even scarier. have a look at the guy across the street. he looks like a geek, he walks like a geek, but he's like the most coolest guy on the net. or he could even be a serial rapist. or a porn addict. or even the best hacker Singapore ever produced. the anonymity that technology has veiled us, one could only imagine what can be done anonymously. this is brought worst by social friendship websites such as Facebook and Friendster. one could desperate enough to have multiple accounts of each, each with different description of himself but none are real.

sometimes these social website , it becomes the modes of getting to know the world. getting to know people with the same interest, same ideas.until sometimes i feel a bit suffocated with all these around. i mean its rather hard for me to keep up with all these. but i still try to. this is how bad one wants to feel connected.

till then
Lovesick Avenue

So much for a couple photo

2008-11-16T21:13:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore,

there are time when one doesn't seem to realise the value of family together-ness. sometimes when i ponder on life, i am thankful that i have a family. though i have lost their love since i was rather young. around 4-5 to be exact. that's when my brother comes to the picture.

but still i must admit. i am lucky to have a family. well, a complete family without any grandparents to spice up the family life. i should be grateful that my family is still intact. everyone comes home at the end of the day. Sadly, i come home at the end of the day not for this family. i come back due to respect for my parents. if given the chance, i wont be here. i will be far away from here.

that's because at the end of the day, i have no one to look out for. no one to have those lovey dovey sms before i sleep. no one to care about, no one to think about. no one to please. no one to.... OK, you get the idea. then looking around me, its just so depressing. its like its not helping. blame me for having such a look, im only 18 when i look like a father of 2.

Sigh, how time flies. this could be my 6 or even 7 month with my ex if i had stayed on. i do wonder how she is doing. good i presume. well, at least she moved on. lets all hope for the best in her future relationship.

Lovesick Avenue

Sto cadendo nell'amore con voi

2008-11-16T00:17:00.003+08:00

Al mio amore,

to begin with today's post is actually quite difficult. I'm actually not sure of what to write or update about. I'm leading a monotonous life as of now. how i wish i could be somewhere else instead of here. somewhere like Italy. talking about Italy, im starting to pick up Italian again. i mean, 2 years ago, i did try to pick up Italian, the style of speaking and such. i mean its like so cool to understand and to speak another language which others dont understand.

so yeah, the Al mio amore is actually the Italian for " to my darling". No, don't get the wrong idea. I'm not writing this blog for someone or to someone. but i rather to keep it more intimate. for all of you to understand me. well, its just me. so bear with it.

anyway, yeah. Christmas is coming. the festive season is coming again. I'm starting to hate it. when i look around, i see couples walking down Orchard road holding hands and gifts for family and friends. worst is the movies. its like all fucked up. all love movies spinning around the Christmas time. cant Hollywood try harder? i mean its like a yearly thing. every year, there are bound to be Christmas love movie. like what the fuck? look like last year, PS I Love You. i mean it is a good romantic story. but when u have like Love Actually from the year before and Serendipity the previous year. did Hollywood ever thought of those people who had just broken up? this is so heartless. or maybe im too carried away. LOL

Till then, think about it

Lovesick Avenue

you can call me sweetheart....

2008-11-13T20:37:00.003+08:00

i don't know what has gotten into me today. i was having mixed emotions. i should be happy that I'm finally working with this girl, this Chinese girl that i have a soft spot on. but at the same time i was feeling sad, she doesn't even remember my name.

i feel so comfortable working with her. the jokes we had, the work we as a team worked on. in fact she looks good today. t-shirt, cardigan and shorts. ha ha, that reminds me, one joke i had pulled on her. i said

"haiyah, sad ah, you don't know my name"
"red ah? red right?....... Rid ah!"
"haiz.... its OK lah, you can call me sweetheart..."

everyone was like," WOO!!!"
and she was liked stunned and i quickly turned away. god, if only she knew that i really liked her. i mean apart from my crush, she's the next person i had been eyeing because i know for a fact that my crush is attached. but little did i know, this Chinese girl I'm talking about got attached when I'm starting to like her like a lot. haiz. fate i guess.

OH ya, did i mention that both my crush and soft spot are like very close friends? WA Lao, its like they went to same ITE, same interest in basket ball, been in the same class before. and frankly, i have been keeping some of their pictures secrectly.

ok, i guess thats too much info for today,
till then,
Lovesick Avenue

2008-11-12T23:17:00.002+08:00

i came across this on some one's blog today. it made me ponder if its true. does it apply to me?

Sometimes, we all need a wake up call.

Sometimes you have to lose some to gain some.

Sometimes sacrifices need to made .

All for the better.

The fear of losing something that is yours.

Makes you realise, that in this world

You have to fight for what you want.

Even if it kills you,

You know you died trying.

The feeling is so much more gratifying.
So we just all have to put aside our ego and pride.

To gain a little something that will eventually make a difference

For me at this moment.

haven't i been doing this all? maybe not. but then again, whats to loose? its about gaining experience. life is full of fuckers that will fuck you around. the i guess i will have to fight them to survive, to get what i want.

in class its where i usually loose out. sometimes i just feel that people don't see the effort and will make you a fool. its true. especially when there is only 9 of us who are in this track. God, i don't belong there.

Lovesick Avenue

Shaken, not stirred

2008-11-11T22:23:00.007+08:00

I'm not sure why. but then I'm starting to contact my ex again. no not the recent one. this one is my "true" love. i mean she's the only one that i feel myself with. its not a wonder at times i feel that i had not moved on even when i was with someone else.

let me tell you about her. well, she is a head shorter then me i guess. i mean the last time i saw her was like 2 years ago. we broke up actually was not because of those quarrel couple had. we were actually a very loving couple. very loving. but what drove us apart was her mum. its not that her mum forbids this love or anything. its just that her mum has no trust on her and myself. i guess i do look too matured for my age. but blame god for making me look like this. i guess other then that i think the problem is trust.

you must understand we were both living at both ends of Singapore. she's in the east, I'm in the west. the only time we met was like holidays and weekends when we are free. trust me, its so difficult. in the whole year we were together, i guess the total number of times we got to meet each other is able to countable using our fingers. that's how frequent we meet. that's not all, she's the problematic type. she's like having insecurities and such. so she kinda breaks down easily. she's the rebel type. that's what I'm afraid of. i don't know what she might be doing behind my back. with me, she might have claimed to be true and honest to me. but down there in the eastern end of Singapore, she might have fucked around.

OK, the word is a bit too harsh. but its true. when we started to contact each other again, she admit having "forced" sex. but then i sit to wonder. with her high sexual drive (don't ask how or where i know) i guess if she's not a the seducing party, this would not have happened. i mean if my memory serves me right, the 1st time i met her at Tempines she was adorning this black skirt. Wow, it was a bit or should i say it is translucent that i prefer walking behind her rather then walking behind or beside her. I guess she is the goddess of temptation. LOL

Now, back to the present. we had a chat a few weeks back. talking about life and such. how she is coping with life after the death of her boyfriend. yes my friend, her boyfriend died. it was this year if I'm not mistaken, the boy from the same ITE she was being posted to. and he was 16. so yeah, she expressed herself to me. all this and that. making me fell like as if I'm not important or without feelings. so i did try to comfort her and makes her feel better.

now all that aside, i dunno why but i had come to an agreement with her that maybe we could try to start anew. she agreed on it but only after her test this November. my condition was, during these period, i told her that we should get to know each other better again before deciding if we really want to be together. now I'm considering really hard. i need love. and love comes in my way. Should i accept it?

but then, i should consider really hard 830238485312 times harder because November is coming to an end. if we were together, things i have listed earlier might happen again like her mum not trusting me, or me having thoughts about her not being fateful. I'm afraid. i actually do love her. i miss her hugs. her kisses. our sweet talks and some other things that i guess inappropriate to include. ;)

Till then,
Lovesick Avenue

IF......

2008-11-10T23:39:00.004+08:00

if one day you find me sleeping on the streets, would you even care?
if you see me walking by, can you say hi?
if you think I'm not worth it, will you stay on?
if you think i have changed, will you still accept me?
if you think its the end, can we start over?
if you are hurt by me, will you be strong?
if you know that i love you, what will you do?

sometimes, its not so hard to see that there is still love from me. i do wonder at times like this, if you even care. I'm not sure why, but i have the feeling that I'm the best when I'm with you. maybe its true, fate has a weird sense of humor. its not like we can change time, or run away from all those that has been written. its just that those simple things you do, like smiling really makes my day. but then it just hurts to know that you are someone else's plain Jane. someone else's rock chick. someone else's skater girl.

i wanna be someone special to someone. i know it doesn't mean much. but for that someone, I'm special. I'm the shoulder to lean on. I'm the care she never had. but the problem is not who. its about when. more then 10 years of ups and down, with love or out. i feel that its time i need to move on. its time i face the music. I'm not wanted. look at how pathetic life could be for me. i left the MSN on for freaking 4 hours and not a single soul chat. mind you, 15 people from RP is online, 12 from my class, 16 from other contacts and NONE even bother to say hi.

what is it that is within me that makes people hate me so much? what is it that they see on me? why am i dreaded? what betrayed me? my heart? my mind? oh, it hurts so much. it really do. man, i know if some people i know in class reads this, i bet they are gonna laugh and say, " Cant he stop whining?

fine, i'll stop here for now

Lovesick Avenue

Moving on

2008-11-09T20:11:00.003+08:00

Breaking up is never fun. The end of a relationship means the beginning of a period of mourning and healing for both people. If the break up was mutual both people will experience a period of adjustment where they are getting used to no longer being together. If the break up was not mutual the person who ended things may be dealing with guilt and feelings that they may have made a mistake. The person being broken up with will definitely have to adjust, first to being rejected and second to life without somebody they still care for. How do you get through those first few weeks? Here is the list of eight essential things everybody must do in the early days of a break up to let the healing begin

Avoid the former love. Yes, avoid. No, this isn’t being immature. Seeing your former flame can bring out emotions and may cause you do to or say something you will regret. In the first few weeks the best thing you can do for yourself is not be where you know they will be.
Talk out your feelings with close friends. Get everything out so that you won’t hold it inside. Your friends may get sick of hearing you talk about the situation but you need to let out all your feelings and thoughts or they may come back to bite you later.
Cry if you want to. It’s OK to cry over a loss. Don’t hold back, let the tears roll just do it in a safe and private place where it is unlikely to get back to your ex. You don’t want your tears to be used as a guilt trip. Their purpose is to cleanse you of any pain not make your lover come back.
Let go of mementos. Put away or give away anything and everything that reminds you of the relationship. Hide them out of sight so they will be out of mind until you are able to remember the relationship without longing for it to still be going strong.
Don’t slip up and get together with your ex. When you are feeling sad or missing a relationship it can be very easy to fall back in to the arms of your ex but DO NOT DO THIS. This will only set you back and let’s face it, if things ended the relationship wasn’t perfect to begin with so why would you want to rekindle things?
Focus on all the things about your ex that drove you crazy, turned you off, or that you just plain found annoying. Think about these things often and replay them in your mind over and over. Dwell on them. It will make you feel better to remember that your former flame was not perfect and that there are things you won’t really miss
Think about the mean, cruel or rude things your ex may have done in your relationship. Really give these things play in your memory. Remind yourself that somebody who truly cared for you would not have done such thoughtless things and tell yourself (over and over) that you are better off without that kind of ego crushing behavior in your life.
Maintain a strict no contact policy and stick with it. Don’t pass notes through friends. Don’t make any calls. Stay away from instant messaging or texting on your cell. Just don’t contact your ex until you are totally and completely sure you no longer want to be with him or her. It is the only way

Hope

2008-11-08T23:11:00.002+08:00

"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love."-Stendhal

i guess its true. hope brings about love in all of us. a hope that the other party might fall for us. hope that the other party might love us. but then again, sometimes its just a wishful thinking on the other hand.

I guess i have fallen for this trap of love. i had hoped for the better this semester. i had hoped for something new, something for a change. but then, i had placed my hopes too high. i had wanted for a drastic change. i had not hoped for the better, but i had hoped for the best. this contrast seems too much for a short period of time.

I don't understand myself sometimes. its not that i dint want to move on. but she seems to have this aura around her that makes me happy. that makes me attracted me to her. i guess the reason is rather simple. She is different. she's not those typical Malay girl. she's the type that i have been hoping for. one may argue about her sexuality. i mean she is rough, boyish, tough. but deep in her, i know she'll cry when she's alone. she wants to feel loved. i hope she is happy with her guy now.

I guess i was always hoping for the impossible. hope against hope till hope itself hurts. one may say its easy to move one. but for me, only time will actually tell. but moving on, i dunno. i mean, i have things a girl may want. but then, where are these girls? i wonder..

till then,
Lovesick Avenue

You and I

2008-11-07T22:11:00.003+08:00

Music : Klaus Meine

Lyrics: Klaus Meine

I lose control because of you babe.
I lose control when you look at me like this.
Theres something in your eyes that is saying tonight.
I'm not a child anymore, life has opened the door
To a new exciting life.

I lose control when I'm close to you babe
I lose control don't look at me like this
there's something in your eyes, is this love at first sight
like a flower that grows, life just wants you to know
all the secrets of life

It's all written down in your lifelines.
It's written down inside your heart.

You and I just have a dream.
To find our love a place, where we can hide away.
You and I were just made.
To love each other now, forever and a day.

I lose control because of you babe.
I lose control when you look at me like this.
Theres something in your eyes that is saying tonight.
I'm so curious for more just like never before.
In my innocent life.

It's all written down in your lifelines.
It's written down inside your heart.

You and I just have a dream.
To find our love a place, where we can hide away.
You and I were just made.
To love each other now, forever and a day.

Time stands still when the days of innocence.
Are falling for the night.
I love you girl I always will.
I swear I'm there for you.
Till the day I die.

Yeah.

You and I just have a dream.
To find our love a place, where we can hide away.
You and I were just made.
To love each other now, forever and a day.

High school crush

2008-11-07T09:54:00.003+08:00

Take this from a guy who lost his parents love at the age of 9: life without love sucks. its true, sometimes i do wonder, if i belong here. all i wanted from young was to experience love. love from people around me. but then again, it always seems that i loose out in love. either i break up or i was made a fool.

looking back, right now i really want to be with this girl. this girl has attracted my attention not so long ago. God, i love the way she flicks her hair. she has this peculiar sense of fashion. simple skater girl i guess. with just a normal T-shirt, and jeans. Not much of accessories on her. most of the time i see her, she adorns her jacket. all the thing i want in a girl. a girl who portray imperfections and toughness at the same time, weak and soft in the inside.

fuck, i should just move on i guess. move on and forget it. she's fucking attached to an NS guy. Great, i fall for attached girls. What's next? married women? OK, too much angst. i should chill.

I'm skipping class today. not feeling well. been having late nights. Till then
Lovesick Avenue

Lets do some introduction

2008-11-06T22:51:00.006+08:00

Lets begin, the name's Rid. Born 2nd march 1990. Not that it matters but then i thought maybe we should start with some introduction. it brings about the intimacy between us.

My life story? Where shall i begin?

So many things to share, so little time.I think i should begin with my love life. Love is a true test for some of us. but then again, for some their's looks so blissfull. Ever seen a couple walking infront of you and was holding hands? How do you feel? Honestly, im jealous. it hurts seeing people behaving intimately infront of you, knowing that you have no one. no one to be intimate with, no one to cuddle, no one to send the love-vy dove-vy msgs that you keep in your phone's message inbox.

With all that explained, i guess thats how the name of my blog came about. Lovesick Avenue. Cool shit huh? but then, one check at Google it shows that its a name of a band in Malaysia. hmm, i hope its still not copy righted, if not i'll be dead...